Know Self.
Definition
The world disciples us in shallow superficiality. Social media is about presenting our best self. God wants us to know our real self and bring that to Him. God doesn’t want to form the fake you, he wants to know the real you. To know self means to shed your false self in order to live authentically as God created you. This happens through examining our inner life. In order to develop depth in your relationships with God and others, you must understand your shadow side and how you have been formed by your family of origin. Only after discovering this can we move towards spiritual formation of being who God created us to be.
“How can you draw close to God when you are far from your own self?”
“No one can know God who does not first know himself.”
“Almost all problems in the spiritual life stem from a lack of self-knowledge.”
Practices/Tools to Grow in This Area:
Enneagram
The Enneagram is a personality test that helps us process our motivations for why we do the things we do, which is crucial to life with God. A great starting place is taking a test to find your “type”.
Talk with trusted leaders and friends about whether or not you relate to your results.
Go over Core Fear and Core Desire, talk through these questions:
How could that fear impact your relationship with Jesus?
How could that desire impact your relationship with Jesus?
How does the core weakness play out in your life?
Do you feel that core longing in your own life? How do you try to fill that longing?
Why do you think you’re this Enneagram type? What events in your past led you to be this person?
Family of Origin
Our families of origin shaped us into the person we are today. The reason we are the person we are has a lot to do with our upbringing.
Talk through these questions to go deeper:
What were your parents like? What was their relationship like with each other? With you?
What were your siblings like? What do your relationships with them look like?
Are there any patterns that are consistent throughout your family?
Family Scripts
We all have family “scripts”. Family scripts are the messages we receive, the roles we are given, and the ways we believe we must live that were handed down to us from our families and may not line up with what God says.
Do any of these scripts ring true for you?
Money
Money is the best source of security.
The more money you have, the more important you are.
Make lots of money to prove you “made” it.
Conflict
Avoid conflict at all costs.
Don’t get people mad at you.
Loud, angry, constant fighting is normal.
Sex
Sex is not to be spoken about openly.
Men can be promiscuous; women must be chaste.
Grief & Loss
Sadness is a sign of weakness.
You are not allowed to be depressed.
Get over losses quickly and move on.
Expressing Anger
Anger is dangerous and bad.
Explode in anger to make a point.
Sarcasm is an acceptable way to release anger.
6. Family
You owe your parents for all they’ve done for you.
Don’t speak of your family’s “dirty laundry” in public.
Duty to family and culture comes before everything.
7. Relationships
Don’t trust people. They will let you down.
Don’t ever let anyone hurt you.
Don’t show vulnerability.
8. Attitudes Towards Other Cultures
Only be close friends with people who are like you.
Do not marry a person of another race or culture.
Certain cultures/races are not as good as ours.
9. Success
Is getting into the “best schools.”
Is making lots of money.
Is getting married and having children.
10. Feelings & Emotions
You are not allowed to have certain feelings.
Your feelings are not important.
Reacting with your feelings without thinking is okay.
Shadow Side/Imposter
A huge step in getting to know ourselves is starting to understand the dark parts of our hearts. This can be referred to as our “shadow side” or the inner “imposter”. Often we like to act like this shadow side doesn’t exist, but the reality is that God knows everything about us, even the darkness in our hearts. We gain nothing from keeping it hidden from God or others because the key to growth is discerning the inner darkness and growing from it.
A first step in this is to look at the shadow side of our Enneagram and see what parts of it relate to us. Discuss this shadow side with a trusted leader.
To move beyond our false self and to start to live as a beloved child of God, we need to realize we have:
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We don’t have to protect our image. Life is about more than making a good impression.
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We don’t count on others opinions of us to feel good about ourselves,
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We don’t need to prove ourselves. We don’t have to have the last word or always be right.
Talk through which of these three areas you struggle with with a trusted leader.
Feelings Workout
Our feelings are a very important part of who we are. A feelings workout is a tool to examine what is going on inside our hearts and to learn to process through our emotions.
Go through these four questions on your own or with someone else:
What are you mad about?
What are you sad about?
What are you anxious about?
What are you glad about?
Sacred Pathways
Sacred Pathways is a tool to help us connect with God. Connecting with God is a very personal thing and it will not look the same for everyone. The sacred pathways walk us through nine ways that we can each connect with God. Through doing the assessment, we can see which pathways are our strongest in regards to how we connect with God.
How to Use:
Start with taking the assessment (Starts on page 12 of the PDF) and then find your 2-3 highest pathways. Read through those sections and see if you relate.
After you take the assessment, talk through your results with a friend.
Start incorporating your pathway into your weekly rhythms and daily time with God to better help you connect with Jesus.
Questions to Talk/Think Through:
Why are you the way you are?
Who and what situations make you nervous? Why?
Do you struggle with the desire to protect your image, possess praise (when others have a good opinion of you), or to prove yourself? (Attached to shadow side)
Why do you think you are your Enneagram type?
How do you best connect to God?
Each tool has questions to go with it because the main way to grow in knowing self is by simply asking questions.
Recommended Readings:
Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas
The Road Back to You by Ian Cron
Deeply Formed Life by Rich Villodas
Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning
Good and Beautiful and Kind by Rich Villodas
Emotionally Healthy Discipleship by Pete Scazerro
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazerro
Scriptures to Study:
2 Corinthians 3:17-18
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
Genesis 12-50
Psalm 139